Home

About me
30-column

My résumé

Photo tour

Recent events

I’m all about giving. Generosity, that’s me. So as a public service for you, dear reader, I’ve collected a few pearls of perspicacity for this, my swan song article. I know it’s a little late in the year to be giving advice to new students, so clip and save these nuggets of knowledge for all those cute little freshmen coming to campus in just a few months.

Cherish Course Catalog Day. Those first few days after course catalogs are published are really the best time to be a student at UT. This is the short time before your realize that the one class you need conflicts with the only class you want, and before TEX screws over all your hours of scheduling with those dreaded words "This class is not available…"

It is a time when the next semester is exciting, a time when you know you’ll work harder next year and when an 8 a.m. class doesn’t seem all that bad. Which brings me to my next little gem:

An 8 a.m. class is about three hours earlier than a 9 a.m. class. I don’t know the mechanics of it — I’m always asleep when it happens — but there is some sort time warp going on in that wee morning hour that makes a 9 a.m. class bearable and an 8 a.m. class impossible. Don’t kid yourself, take the 9 a.m. Or better yet, the 11 a.m.

Get involved at The Daily Texan. Or the Irish Traditional Music Organization or the Fencing Club or a yoga group. Joining a club in high school was not exactly the pinnacle of panache, but the University is so big, you gotta take it in bite-size chunks. Quick plug for the Texan: there is nothing else you can do legally that’s going to get you seen by all 50,000 people on campus.

Take advantage of being a student. The closer to graduation you get, the more you realize that this whole college thing isn’t such a bad gig. So go ahead, skip a class. As Dean of School, I give you a special dispensation, just this once. When you skip class, be sure and …

Take a drive. Austin may or may not be the end-all-be-all of cities, but certainly is above average. Take a drive, go to a restaurant, find a short cut. Take Pleasant Valley at 4:30 in the afternoon, instead of parking on I-35. Find out where Bee Caves is. And the "Y" at Oak Hill.

This 30-column is starting to sound like that "Sunscreen" song all the kids are singing, so I’ll just move along. Here’s where I give props to all my wak homies.

Professor Rick Williams: You’re an omniphasic freak, but at least your class let me stare into the beautiful eyes of ...

Bianca Bickford, I just wanted to say thanks for everything you do. I’ve learned a lot from you about love and HTML and friendship and painting pottery. The past two years have been so great -- I’m so lucky to have a friend and a girlfriend like you.

Jennifer Love Hewitt: If you’re reading this, call me. Don’t pay attention to that stuff I wrote to Bianca, I can dump her like yesterday’s trash. P.S. - You were great in I Know What You Did Last Summer. I mean that. Call me!

Derek Matthews, you sure were lucky to get a roommate like me. Seriously, I’m glad you’re coming back, Austin not nearly as fun with you gone. Not to mention the fact that you’re like an older brother to me. A smelly, hairy older brother with no manners.

Kelly Bickford you put the "K" in "cool."

Hardest Working M.E. Around: Renae Merle. Thanks for showing me the ropes.

Best looking M.E.: Jennifer Schultz, a great friend and an even better M.E. Thanks for taking a chance with me.

M.E. with the worst people skills award: Sholnn Freeman. You are a slimy little worm. I hope you go far. Far away.

Best looking M.E., runner up: Les Jacobs. Both working with you and for you was a blast. I’m glad I finally got know you. To quote the kids: you da bomb.

Kathy Lawrence, the Texan will be in good hands as long as you’re around.

TSP Board: Thanks for showing me why political committees don’t run real newspapers.

Texan-related dignitaries: Kevin Ley (stop looking like me!), Jennie "The good deputy" Kennedy, Will Radcliffe please don’t beat me up, Stephanie Friedman was the best damn photo editor ever, Mike Chrissey – the reporter’s reporter, Krissah "Old School" Williams, and Jackie Roberson: Is your refrigerator running?

Beth Wawerna gets a special paragraph all to herself.

FOJR is way too cool, Amy "How many times a day do you smoke?" Strahan, Mike Tunks – the Superman to my Clark Kent, Shanna "I’m not Jackie" Gauthier, and I would mention Randy Kramen, but he’s probably in line for Star Wars: Episode One tickets right now.

All the folks who made last summer fun, including but not limited to, Danny Hayes, Dan Carnavale, Suzannah Creech, Claudia Grisales, and Rob Addy. Does anybody else think Markla Austin was an alien?

Sincere thanks to Suzanne Bakhtiari, Allison Ott, Bry Miller, Ayse Derman, Brian Beard and the rest of the folks that made the Texan’s first permanent features section a success. The fact that there is still a Focus page is direct testament to our hard work.

Special thanks to all the folks at the Statesman. I learned a lot and got to meet some great people. Some of their names are: Claire Osborn, Suzanne Gamboa, Stephanie Jones, Juan Castillo and Tim Lott.

Ron Gibson: Font of valuable knowledge and worthless jokes, I’m thankful that I got to know you.

Richard Finnell: You had such big shoes to fill, but really your knowledge of newspapers, computers and the Texan makes you a formidable legend in your own right.

Melanie Hauser, thanks for believing in me. I think the Golf Writer’s Scholarship kept in journalism at a time when I really needed the reinforcement. Thanks to Ryder (1-800-GO-RYDER) for sponsoring the world’s greatest scholarship.

Stacey Peebles, I’ve enjoyed every minute of getting to know you since that first day of class – you are my oldest and dearest friend at UT. Probably your best quality is that you can down a bottle Jack Daniels almost as well as I can.

Tracy, Christine, Richie, Hampton, Will Mayborne, Jai, Brent, Mike Smith (no, the other Mike Smith): you made Prather a fun place to live.

Naj Foster, it’s hard to imagine a better friend than you. Every time you pass a water fountain, do you get the urge to spit?

Griff Singer: not only do you know everything about newspapers, but you’re willing to bend over backwards to help j-school students. Thanks for all your help. Three other cool dudes: Dean Mike Quinn, George Sylvie and Rusty Todd.

Mom and Larry and Dad and Kathy – I got four incredibly great parents. Most people are lucky to get one good one. Thank you all very much.

This column is dedicated to all the roommates I’ve ever loved: Steve and T.J. McQuagge, Nedra, Paula and that guy from freshman orientation.